Thursday, May 24, 2018

To Him- the forever friend!!

I could of never seen my life without him. But I also could of never seen us together.
You know complicated!!
I got scared! Scared that he thought I was the endgame for him. Scared that he said he loved me..
Scared that we were so young....

Most of all I was scared to admit I was falling in love with him. So I pushed him away.

Now five years later, I still care about him. We pushed each other away because, well he got a girlfriend. So he pushed me away.. But for some reason we always fight.

Now he comes back after so many months after wanting our friendship.. "I hope someday you can forgive me for hurting you"

You did not hurt me, we loved each other but we knew it would not work so we never tried.
I want you to leave, fall in love and forget me..

Our friendship means the world to me, but you cannot say you are in love when your mind is on me, and wanting my forgiveness, no!!!

You wanted to leave, I let you.
You wanted to hate me, I gave you a reason.
You wanted her, I ran away and let you be happy.

Truth is I do not know if you know what you really want.
Because you make it sound like your in it because the person wants to be in it..Which is okay, once you are happy!! But you need to let me go.

Love me, Care about me from the furthest point in the universe.

A little piece of my heart will always want you, and love you. But it is time to let go.

Saturday, March 31, 2018


Hey blog, its been a minute since my last post..

I been down lately, like I feel so single.... I keep telling myself, that is what I want to be.. I just want to be single. When in all honesty I want to feel " In love" again... Which is hard, because I never put myself out there...

So only one person caught my attention... He is so gorgeous.. but I feel like I might not be pretty enough. I do not know.. But he caught my attention... but I wish he make a move or something... So my friend took my phone and DM him.... like I was so annoyed..... but I deleted it.. And of course he saw that.. he replied!!! It was a short conversation, I told him the truth, that my friend texted.. but that was short lived, because I never Dm him after nor did he...

But I think he thinks I do not like him... Well technically I don't because I don't know him, but I would like too.

oOOOh Universe!!! If he is the one I am meant to be with please send him... Or Just send Mr.right..

I cannot be the only one feeling this single!! Right!

Monday, February 26, 2018

I finally got closure and validation!!

I think even four years ago I knew what we had was real, real to the point where I knew it would not end without leaving with a million unspoken feelings.... I really did love him, I fell for him too deep too fast so it scared me... He thought his search was done and that scared me... Now four years later... It might.. nah it is over!!!

He pushed me away because of the feelings that we had many years ago.. but made it look like because I had those feelings and told him I did.... so he tried to push me away, and make me hate him... how could I ever hate him when I loved him..

The truth is he has feelings and realised I might of said yes if he asked to be together, but he went with someone else... Oh well.. I feel bad that he still has those feelings... I hope he is happy and really love his life without me....

End of the one friendship that I always thought I would of had for a lifetime....

Friday, January 19, 2018

A week in the Hospital!

I spent a weak in the hospital. Which was really hard because it was weird not being in my own room. But the nurses were really nice to me. But I just wanted to tell you why I have not blog at all this month. Also I am fine now, no need to worry.

Follow me on Instagram.

Monday, January 1, 2018

Happy New Year, I hope this is the year, you find your soulmate and your passion. I hope this year is the most amazing year. I hope this year no one settles, I want you to fight for what or who you want in your life.

Promise me, If you truly love someone, to the moon and back, Tell them. Tell them and always show them how much you love them.. If she or he is the one you want for the rest of your life, make the move and put in the effort, because you know they are worthy having for a life time......

I love you. Happy First Of January!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 br="">

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Our story- The donut shop romance!- Wrapped up and time to put away!

I remember this day like if it was yesterday. I remember that school was over and my friend and I was walking out going to wait for the bus. But you know when your friends have other friends that are kinda annoying, but you just smile and act normal. LOL so she came and decided to walk with us. I saw one my friends from primary school, and I decided that I will walk with him instead and meet my friend where we wait for the bus. So walking and talking about, I cannot remember what, but this tall, fair skin boy came up at the side of me. So my friend introduce us. His actual name, I did not hear what it was when my friend said it. So when the guy asked me what his name was. I replied sorry I cannot remember. To be honest, he was my friend, friend I did not really care to remember his name. To my surprise, I did not know then I would of fallen in love when him.

From that day on, I think we saw each other everyday since. I was in that school for years now, and never saw him. but one encounter and I never not saw him again. We chit chat after school. Then to my surprise we were Facebook friends already. (Hitting some memories I locked away) So started talking there and we talked after school. At this point it was a tradition, I saw him everyday after school. So by this time, our main place and where it all began, was the doughnut shop.

So we started off as friends, I did not like him from the get go. I  think after getting to know him. I started to fall. So this kid decided to buy be a doughnut, why? I really do not know. And for some weird reason I wrote the date on the brown bag and kept the bag. I still have that bag. That was back in 2013. I really do not know what made me keep the bag, I did not know how I felt about him, nor how he felt about me. But I guess my heart knew before I did.

So the only person, I ever told everything to about relationships, is my aunt from the doughnut shop, think she figured out before us, that we liked each other, before we did. I guess you can say we was the two people everyone wanted in a relationship, but we took years to actually get together. So he has really pretty brown eyes, You will think that I would realise the colour of his eyes, right. Nopes, we was friends for months. So we was standing outside, and we was just joking around being mean. I think I told him, when smiled it looked like the Grinch!!! haha.. I was joking, the away he looked at me and opened his eyes so wide, that is when I realized the colour of his eyes, I was like damn, his eyes are gorgeous,  then I forgot for a moment  what I was talking about..

This is the worst thing to write, I have to travel back to all these memories, do not get me wrong, I will never forget them but at this point it is hard to think about them..

So the first time he asked me to be his girlfriend, it was over the phone, and he told me to think about it and when school reopens I can give him a answer. To be honest, he would of got a yes, but he added in the when school open part. So I am here thinking, Okay your going to ask me again in person when you see me in school! Right?  Nopes, Instead I heard he was with someone else. Soo He got a girlfriend. But we was friends.

So I was like whatever, lets get close to the other guy who clearly was interested, but even though everything and even he, himself is perfect. I knew if we got together it would not work. But we had/have a connected that no one till this day can break!! But we remain really good friends.You know who that is by the way.

So the fact that he left and did not care about what he asked me, I should of taken that as the biggest red flag!!! ENT!!! YES. I should of. But my aunt was talking to me about it... I cannot remember when they broke up, but it was like a year after we got together. But I continued getting close to my friend, like you left, I can move on with my life. Like I was convince to carry my friend to my prom, like my aunt was like you are single, he likes you a lot, take him. But I just did not want to complicate us.

Let's back track before prom, I think. Our first kiss, I remember it was in the doughnut shop, it was like a peck, and my bus had came, I smiled like a complete idiot the whole way home.

The next guy is somewhat important, that is what I told you the above part, lets be fair, thinking about that big red flag, I should of gone with my friend, RIGHT, But i knew it would not work..

So jump to when we was in lower six, 2014. He asked me to be in a relationship, this time we actually got past that question, and actually when into the relationship. The first person, I sadly told first, I kinda had to tell the kid, I choose to go into a relationship, plus he knew I liked the guy who the story is about. I think, they was a part when he told me choose him and not the relationship, so you see I had a lot of outs from this relationship, but never took it. But me and the friends, are always better of as friends. Hence, why we are still friends.

So the relationship started on 10/09/2014, I really not feeling to go through details, So whatever pops up in my mind, that is what I going to talk about, somethings might me left out, but who cares.

So first thing that pops up, I feel like the first few months of anniversaries were amazing, maybe the first two I got a card, then it just stopped. My card for the second anniversary is always going to be my favourite card, like that card I think made me think yeah this relationship was the best choice. And the first valentines card is my favourite, basically the things that were the first he put effort into, those where my favourite.

So one thing he had a problem with, was my friend, you know that new Demi song, Girl that gave me some deja vu, yes go watch, tell me you love me. So I know that the kid was just a friend, but he thought otherwise, which is one dumb because when you think about it, you left me, technically for someone else, I never went with him, so why have a problem!! but oh well. I think, that should of been a red flag, but I do not what I was thinking.

So then, I had this event to go to, and I took him. And Yes! We fought at the event, for a bit. Which was so dumb. But the part I remember, so my parent came for me, and he had to wait. but I forgot something at the place. But I never texted him I was coming back.. I collected it, then I spotted him, I did not say anything, I just walked over, sat on his lap and kissed him, one the place was dark, it was a party after all. I think that is one my favourite moments with him, one before I am not that type of person to make a move and I did that.

Lets talk family!! I love his family, they are really good, amazing people. To be fair, every time I buy pizza I remember his dad, because once he bought me a pizza and the way he dresses a pizza is amazing. I would never have anything bad to say about his family, I meant a lot of them. They where all amazing. So if anyone ever comes and ask. That is my answer. They raised their kids amazingly and whoever becomes part of their family is really lucky. And his grandmother is the sweetest!! Hope he always be the guy he is, when he is with his grandparents.

The moment, I realised, I did not just love him, but I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, we was in his mom store, and he was just sit down. We was not talking or anything, we were just sitting. I looked at him and I just randomly thought, he is who I can see myself with in the long run. Like I loved him more than anything. Like we went through a lot, doctors to him nearly dying. Everything. We went through a lot. But I think it made us, kind of stronger. (that be so much nicer to say if we were together.)

A moment, that made me smile, So a day we was walking to school, and our hands just fell into on another and it was like it was just meant to be that way. It was amazing. I was a prefect for a form one class, so I never wanted to be holding hands and they saw, but I am such a sucker for those cute stuff like holding hands.

Our parents met each other, my dad liked him, my mom also, she still does, because I never told them why we broke up. Which is not important. I was the person who always fixed us, I felt like he never tried to fix it, he just replied on me to. I just hated that. I honestly wanted space, but I never got it and it lead to us being officially broken up..

So, it is passed a year, No effort or him ever trying to fight for us to be a couple. Soo I think it is time to officially stop hoping he will man up and fight for who or what he wants. To be fair, I do not think we are mature, well not mature, more like do not think I want to know what or who he been up to this year. And If we ever, but now we comes to the conclusion it is not happening. I think we need to talk about the main issues of why the relationship ended. And who we been with, did stuff with, like I meant I would want to know, even though it would gross me out, but if we got together I do not want some girl thinking, she has the upper hand, like no I know about you love.

But it is had to give up on someone, you thought you was going to marry, have kids with. Have that couch that turns into a bed, so if he piss me off that is where he going. Like it is the little things that you remember, that make you sad. The plans you make with the persons, plans you realise you might be making with someone else.

My last words, I know it is a relationship, I would tell my grand kids about, he was my first love. He will always be important. He could end up in the hospital today and if his mom calls or I find out, I would be there. No questions to that.

Message to my ex, I hope you remember and stay the guy who I first fell in love with. I hope you has an amazing life. I hope you meet someone who you loves  and trust with your whole heart. I hope you never gets your heart broken or in any situation you cannot get yourself out of. I will always love you, but it is begin a year, and a year without effort of getting back together, it clear that what we had is/was not worth fighting for. So time to move on. Have an amazing life. Be the guy that run out of school and met me in five minutes time just to meet me, and once you are that guy, you will make anyone happy.

To be fair, I do not think, he knows me. I think if he truely knew me, he would of know I wanted him to fight for us, like show me effort, tell me how you actually felt. Tell me in person, something. But oh well....

My relationship is something I will never regret or ever want to fully forget, I hope we both find happiness and may be find our soulmates one day.

Last post!! So time to leave this chapter in the past!

Since today is the last day of the year, please fix something or a frienship, but mend fences with someone. Or just make someone smile today.💗

Friday, December 29, 2017

When is time to move on!!

I think the easiest thing is to say you MOVED ON!! or I moved on. It like we convince everyone around us that we moved on. It is way harder to convince ourselves. I was talking to my cousin last night. About relationships of course. So we came to the conclusion that if a girl breaks off the relationship is completely different from when a guy breaks off the relationship.

Guys are more mind strong, no hidden meaning. Once they make up there mind it is over it is definitely over. Now I could be wrong. Do not kill me. LOL this is just my opinions.

On the other hand girls, I think when we call for the break up, we want them to fight for us, show us some effort. But the thing is we do not say that. We either just ignore them or act cold.... But it depends on the situation if you cheated on her. When she says it is over it is most definitely over!

I think when you love someone and thought that person is the one, you will always have hope that, they are the one! but then you think, you broke up for a reason, and if you did break up maybe it was for the best.

I think if you think that person is the one, you have to fight for them, you both have to fight for the relationship. I mean if no effort is shown, then is really time to move on. I guess, I am writing this to convince myself that my relationship is over. NO effort and no relationship.

So the last post for this year, would be the story of that relationship, you know once it becomes a story it officially over. I think, even though I hope so how we would magical find our way back together. I think it is time to stop hoping. I guess, to be fair, Plus I highly do not think I want to know what and who he was up to this year, and talk though our issues...

I guess,  maybe it is better to start over fresh, with someone else. I not saying I am going into a relationship anytime soon. So stay tune, to read about that story of my life. I should finally close that chapter in my life... because it clearly cannot be fixed.